Ordinary Food

Don Beni’s

As far as I’m aware the Don Beni Italian restaurant phenomenon is unique to the Home Counties. Over the past years I have visited Don Beni’s in Englefield Green, Winkworth Row and Windsor, usually for friends’ birthday parties and the like. Last night I ended up eating at the Wokingham branch with my new mate Daryl after failing to get into, well, every other half decent restaurant in Wokingham.

The restaurant played to the now familiar Don Beni formula of huge portions, noisy Italian waiters and even noisier clientele. On the plus side, the pizzas are a notch above Pizza Hut- the base was reasonably well made if a little bland, the toppings on my four seasons just about passable given the reasonable £7.50 asking price. The pizza is always advisable over the heavy, starchy pasta. The anaemic sliced pale tomato in the mixed salad reminded me of an appalling tricolore (mozzarella, tomato and basil salad) I ordered a few years back at the Englefield Green branch. The lifeless tomato was accompanied by mozzarella that was just entering sourness and the basil didn’t make an appearance.

A decent atmosphere can compensate for such culinary short comings, but unfortunately Don Beni's fails here too. The battered lit up fridges scattered around the dining room, noisily chilling half eaten, suspect puddings and the odd pint of milk does not make for a pleasant dining experience. Nor do the sticky chairs and the corny Chianti bottles covered in patriotic red and green candle wax. But all that having been said, most customers seemed to be having a good time.

Time seems to have past Don Beni’s by. The lamentable food and dining experience might have passed muster in the 1980s but the world has moved on. The Zizzi and Strada chains both offer far superior Italian grub and ambience for similar prices, as do a host of independent Italian restaurants including the tasty and fun Bar Centro in Guildford. Not recommended.

Loch Fyne, Various Locations

http://www.lochfyne.com/

Loch Fyne has 25 restaurants across the UK, and a sister company, Loch Fyne oysters who supply much of the seafood. Their restaurants all carry the same menu, viewable on their website.

I have visited their Guildford, Reading, Portsmouth and Covent Garden restaurants and am pleased to report decent cooking across the board, other than one travesty of a meal last Christmas, where the seabass was undercooked, the wine corked and the service lousy.

As is often the case with ‘chain’ restaurants and indeed fish in general, at Loch Fyne the simplest things are the most well prepared dishes on the menu, with the added advantage of being more economical than the more complex options. For example the seabass with salsa verde at £12.95 or the poached smoked haddock with mash, spinach, peas and wholegrain mustard sauce at under a tenner are winners, the meagre portion of scallops and king prawns at £15 less so. Smoked salmon in various forms is a safe bet. Moules, either served mariniere-style (traditional french with onion, white wine and parsley) or thai style are usually juicy and plentiful, at a very reasonable £5 for a starter of £9 for a larger main dish. Oysters at £8 for six or £14 for a dozen are of good quality.

Pleasingly, the Guildford restaurant was able to respond to my request for a red wine and shallot vinagarette to accompany oysters but annoyingly served it in a jug with a neck so narrow the shallots wouldn’t come out. The sizeable mixed salad at £2.75 often comes with fine green beans and is big enough to share. Bread is plentiful, but for my palate too airy and soft for shellfish.

To drink, I usually stick with the muscadet, around £13 a bottle which is fresh, stone dry and possessing a slight acidic edge which complements the fish. I should make particular mention of the Portsmouth branch at Gunwharf Quay which has very friendly service and the added advantage of offering draught lager - great news for moule lovers!

The Volunteer, Abinger Hammer

Water Lane, Abinger Hammer, Surrey

My friends Chris and Kai proposed we meet at the Volunteer for a pint and dinner. I have never been to this particular pub before, and boy is it difficult to find! Eventually I found the place.

As you can see from the picture it is a pretty pub. There is a garden above the pub’s car park, but there were no spare tables so we found a table on a strip of grass between the other side of the car park and a stream and decided on a fish pie (£10), a steak, ale and mushroom pie (£10) and a sirloin steak (£14).

The food arrived promptly on square plates. Yes you read right - square plates in an English pub. The food didn’t look especially promising either. My steak and ale pie was served dissected, with a piece of pastry sitting on top, like a nouvelle cuisine garnish. A more accurate description would have been steak and ale casserole served with a pastry hat. A few new potatoes featured on one corner of the plate, a few wisps of cabbage and what looked like raw celery pieces by another. Surprisingly, it tasted rather good. The celery as suspected was raw.

On a trip to the bar for another pint, I discovered the chef was Swedish which may explain this odd marriage of ingredients. The meat was tender in a rich sauce, and despite what looked like a small serving, was filling. The fish pie was similarly presented and well made. Like the two pies, the steak really could have done with some more vegetables but was cooked as requested. Sauces provided were of the sachet variety and no french mustard was available - unforgiveable at these prices.

We shared two summer puds for dessert. They arrived suitably minimalist - sat in the middle of a large plate with a few surrounding flecks of sauce. The puddings tasted somewhat neutered - I like a summer pudding to taste fresh and vibrant - these tasted of a pack of frozen berries, which while not unpleasant didn’t quite hit the mark.

What to make of the Volunteer? It is with a heavy heart that I give this place a cautious recommendation, which has as much to do with the dearth of decent country pubs in Surrey as it does the merits of this establishment.

Pizza Express, Various Locations

Pizza Express had a bit of a wobble a few years ago when their pizzas suddenly shrunk. I must add the word apparently because I can’t quite remember them changing in size and I don’t want to be subject to a libel suite.

Either way, I’m pleased to report that currently their pizzas are certainly big enough to fill my 6ft 5in frame. I usually go to my local Pizza Express in Guildford, which is light and airy, with funky black spot lights and cheerful art work. Like all their restaurants, the kitchen is on display, so if the mood takes, you can watch the chefs making pizzas.

For starters, avoid the bland arancini (little balls of risotto) and stick to the salads or bruschetta. Everyone has their favourite pizzas so I won’t make recommendations here, beyond discouraging ones using roasted vegetables - they taste odd - and big upping those with a sprinkling of rocket, which always tastes so summery, peppery and decadent.

A word of caution- the pizza bases are not old school Italian- they edge towards their American deep-pan cousins with their slight thickness, but I would still describe them as thin-crust, and they are delicious anyhow.

I’m not a huge fan of deserts generally, but enjoy their Sicilian Lemon Sorbet with a splash of limoncello liqueur. This treat isn’t cheap at over a fiver but is delicious and low fat!

Pizza Express’s wine list is varied and interesting, but a little pricey- my advice is to stick with the house wine for both red and white- it is perfectly drinkable at under £12. If you are feeling flush, go for the text-book primitivo at £15, packing a fruity but refined punch which is perfect for pizzas. One of the joys of chain restaurants is that they usually have the same menu and pricing in all their restaurants, including their ‘flagships’.

One of Pizza Express’s finest restaurants is on Bankside SE1, near Southwark Bridge. Pick the right table in the evening and you’ll be rewarded with stunning sunset views across the river, not dissimilar to those enjoyed by those dining at the Pont de la Tour. Not a bad deal considering you’d be hard pushed to spend much more than £25 on a three course meal including wine.